Growing up, I used to collect change from around the house and walk to the local candy store. I would buy all of my favorite candy. I used to put it under my pillow in my bed so I could eat it all the time. I would fill up on candy and junk food, so much so, that I couldn’t finish my family meals. 

It wasn’t something commonly spoken about then (from what I recall), but it is safe to now say that I was a sugar addicted child.

This seeped over into my youth and early adult hood. My love for candy and processed treats was still there, but I became more aware about my health and slowly began eating less candy, but I still ate it. 

More and more over the years, I’ve been able to wean myself off processed, sugary treats. 

But I still eat them. 

Now, I’m much more conscious of my consumption of sugary treats. 

I almost always buy candy that is organic or has natural sweeteners in it (no processed sugars if I can help it). 

I only buy SMALL QUANTITIES at any given time. 

For example, I stopped at Whole Foods the other week for a salad and marched my happy ass over to the bulk section. I placed about 10-15 pieces of candy into a mix and match bag and called it good. 

I was totally satisfied with the sweet treat and conscious of my decision. No regrets. 

A few weeks after that I had a different experience, though. I was around a group of people on a weekend get-away and there were boatloads of all the crappy candy I had when I was a kid. I’m talking skittles, airheads, the GOOD processed stuff (I’m SUPER sarcastic right now because this candy is absolutely shit. on many levels). 

It was the perfect recipe: relaxing weekend + distraction + hormones + readily available candy. 

I totally ate WAY more than I wanted. And I’m not going to lie, I felt bad about it. Not because of what it does to my waist line or because of anything to do with my body. I felt bad and was a little mad at myself because I KNOW better. I know how to pause and be present with a wild treat like that. I just didn’t do it. 

And that’s okay. Sometimes. 

I got over the frustration I had with myself quickly. 

Even though I have the tools to make healthy decisions in the kitchen and in the gym, I opt for the dirty road sometimes and occasionally eat candy instead. It is OKAY. I didn’t die, I don’t have diabetes, and I can live perfectly happy with myself, and my body, having had the candy. 

Surprise. I’m not perfect (because you REALLY thought I was, didn’t you?)

We can all make choices with our lives and bodies. None are ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ They are our choices to make and as long as we don’t validate our self-worth or determine how we show up in our lives based off one or two less than ideal choices, who the fuck cares? I surely don’t care about the skittles, and you sure as shit don’t need to beat yourself up over them either. 

Try a little tenderness, hmkay?